


in the burnt of gunpowder, you are my home

by ycychani



Category: Golden Child (Korea Band)
Genre: A little angst, M/M, War AU, deep stuffs?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-15 22:50:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16073009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ycychani/pseuds/ycychani
Summary: Love shouldn’t be blooming here, in the middle of vicious wars without feelings involved, between two soldiers who are supposed to devote their body and soul to the betterment of the progress.But they loved.





	in the burnt of gunpowder, you are my home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [majime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/majime/gifts).



> hi this is an undesirable (mid angsty) war au. might contain deep and irrational and disconnected deep thoughts about wars. i'm not good at getting my ideas across so some of this might not make sense to you i'm sorry ;;;; have fun reading! 
> 
> also, dedicated to my sis @majime. your early bday gift <3

Jangjun hauls his tired body to his bunk bed. Having divested himself of the thick combat clothing, he allows himself to collapse on the bottom bunk. It is smelly because he and his roommates rarely bathe these days. Practice is getting tougher with them acquainting with real arms. Jangjun recalls the dreadful feelings when he pulled the trigger. The stock hit his cheek so hard it is probably leaving a nasty bruise on his cheek tomorrow. He does not think he can pass this round. He cannot fire a bullet. It is too terrifying knowing one missed shot can kill a life.

But it is a war. There is no room for benevolence. It is about either killing or getting killed.

  


Jangjun turns 21 when the authority forces him into the country’s army. He does not know the purpose of this war, but he has to go nonetheless. He is one of the helpless citizens, the puppets of a dictating regime. He is not allowed to voice his protest or else his family will suffer in turn. Thus he has no choice but to shut up and join strenuous practices for the upcoming war with hazy mind harboring an awful lot of fears for whatever might come tomorrow.

When his training ends, along with half of the comrades, Jangjun is sent to a real battlefield on the Northern part of the country. Their mission is to rescue and evacuate three villages there. Two of them currently are the enemy’s camps. They will join forces with another armed squad to launch an attack on a large scale in a week. Hopefully it can sweep off enemies and bring back temporary peace for the miserable villagers. It is only a plan yet. No one can be sure whether things may go well according to the plan or not.

  


Jangjun has never been in a real vivid battle. He only hears about it in literature where wars are depicted as something frivolous. When one wins, it is the winner who rewrites history. Deaths are glossed over. Patriotism is blown up as the key to success and every soldier joining the army is patriotic and willing to sacrifice themselves. Jangjun laughs to himself. Ironic as it is, he believed it. Now he is here, feeling betrayed by his own naive belief, nose inhaling nothing but the burnt gunpowder, ears hearing nothing but the clangs of bullets hitting the ground. His hands which are dragging the submachine gun feel heavy. He frantically searches for the enemy, but his senses are numbed by the smell of blood and the loud fires of guns. He is afraid. He is lost. He does not want to die. He wants to come back home, back to his comfort zone. It is so hard and frightening here. Why should he fight for this country when this is how it treats him? Jangjun stands there with thoughts flooding his mind. Before he comes to his sense when a shot rings near his ears, his wrist is grabbed by a strong force and he is dragged into a corner behind a wall tattered with bullet holes.

“Come back to your sense. Why are you standing there begging to be shot? Do you want to die that badly?”

It is his superior from another squad. Although the older is only a first class private, he is still more powerful than a mere private like him. He is a strict person but is a capable soldier. Jangjun does not like him though, he is too serious and distant.

Suddenly a tear slips through his wide panicked eyes, which startled the first class private.

“W-What? Why are you crying?”

Jangjun swallows a _Because I am so scared_ and hastily wipes his eyes. There is no room for sentimentality right now. He is a man. A man is not allowed to cry when he is scared. Clearing his mind, Jangjun looks up to face Sungyoon, his superior, but immediately he spots a figure pointing his gun at them. In a split second, he picks up the heavy gun and fires. He is pulled backwards by inertia. The figure falls down, his gun heavily landing afterwards. Jangjun feels his heart filled of dread and numbness. He killed a person. He is a killer. He looks at his gun with a panic-struck look. All of a sudden his gaze turns black as a pair of hands cover his sight. Someone whispers into his ears soothingly.

“It’s alright. Don’t think about it. It is alright. You did great. No one blames you. Thanks for saving me in time.”

The supportive words flow into his ears, entering his heart and allay the disorganized thoughts filling up his heart. And Jangjun allows himself to break down into tears, for the first time in forever.

 

 

  


“Why do we have to fight for the country when they treat us like this? We are hanging by a thin thread every single day. I’m sick of the fears.” Jangjun absent-mindedly says when they both calm down after the battle. It is a tie with both side losing 4 men and their base untouched. He is unsure of why he finds himself saying this to the cold superior he once was in awe of. Perhaps, just perhaps, after the encounterment in the midst of the battle, he thinks the older is not that heartless. Jangjun could have died but for his intervention, so perhaps he feels grateful for the help. Simply just that.

“If everyone thinks like you, we will lose our country. I also don’t understand why they are triggering meaningless wars, but we, as the men of our society, have to do everything to protect our beloved. The only way I can protect them is to come to the front line and try my best.”  
The older seems to be taken aback by his initiative, but answers nonetheless after a worthy minute of considering.

“You may die.” Jangjun says matter-of-factly.

“Of course. But as long as my death contributes to the progress to victory, I’m willing.”

“You are not asking anything from life, aren’t you?” Jangjun looks at him with questioning eyes.

“Maybe. I don’t feel like asking anything from it. I can either die or live, it’s fate’s doings.”

“You are not afraid to be shot?” Jangjun remembers the loud shots and shivers.

“Sometimes. But you will feel it when you are in it. The thought of protecting innocent people will get the better of you and nothing matters more. It’s not about duty anymore. It’s about the beautiful humanitarian inside you that makes you willing to sacrifice.”

“Seems deep.” Jangjun knits his eyebrows. It sounds too ideal for him. A coward like him cannot feel that, surely.

“You will see, Jangjun-ah.” Sungyoon looks at him, and concludes.

 

 

  


After that, coincidentally, they are assigned the same tasks and their chance of meeting each other increases. Jangjun used to think Sungyoon is a cold guy, but as they meet more and talk more and cooperate more, he discovers many interesting other sides of the older. Sungyoon is a nice person when his facade crumbles. He likes children and animals too. Jangjun remembers seeing he so whipped for a kid when she ran into him, literally, and scratched her knees. He took care of her well and even gave her sweets which brought the brightest smile to the sulky kid’s face. Something in Jangjun’s heart trembled when he saw how tenderly the soldier caressed the little girl’s head. It feels cozy. Like he is at home.

  


In hanging out with Sungyoon and joining more battles, Jangjun is exposed to the devastating scene of wars. The number of the dead from both sides have reached fifty. There are even innocent villagers included. Jangjun clenches his fists thinking about the loss. It is getting tenser. It is high time the battle ended. The loss is too great for both countries, yet they heed it no minds and continue to throw their all to this stupid fight. How many more people have to die to fulfil their cold-blooded ambitions?  
Jangjun sighs to chaste off the depression clouding his heart when he places an incense on his comrades’ makeshift graves.

_Rest well, my comrade. When this ends I promise you will have a more comfortable final resting place._

 

 

  


Jangjun charges the gun then checks the knife in his hip pocket. All done. He throws a glance at Sungyoon who is hiding under the bush 3 feet from his shelter. He is worried, yes.  
They have both participated in untold battles, yet his nerve is never calmed when he is about to engage himself in one. But recently, suspiciously he feel worried not only about his own wellbeing but also about that of the reckless and kind person over there. He does not know how he should react when that person is injured. Jangjun trembles. As if sensing him, Sungyoon looks up and smiles gently to assure him.

 _It’s gonna be alright._ Jangjun sees his sign.

His breath is stretched. He takes generous intake of oxygen- Sungyoon told him to do that when he is nervous- and open his eyes to meet with the reassuring ones of the older. Nothing will happen. It is gonna be alright. They will both be fine. Jangjun tells himself and grasps the gun tighter. Now that he has something he wants to protect, he is not afraid anymore. He can even trade his last breath for the safety of this precious thing.

A bullet is fired, signalling the start of a dreadful final battle wherein the one lasting longer with less loss wins.

  


It should be safe to say that Jangjun’s side wins. Despite losing 7 lives of private class in contrast to 5 ones from the opposing squad, they manage to chop off its colonel’s head. The remaining soldiers fled, but they cannot go far because the general has imposed a blockade in the vicinity of the northern villages. It is a temporary win for his side.

Jangjun slumps down on his hard bed. He exhales loudly, attempting to empty the tiredness filling his stomach. He feels nauseated when the smell of metallic blood hits it nose when he rinses his hands. Another familiar comrade dies on him today. He still can vividly recall the panicked eyes of him when he got shot right in the shoulder. Instead of calling for a medic, he used his last muscle strength to thrust a paper into Jangjun’s hands. It was a handwritten letter. For his girlfriend and his old mother at home. Then he looked at the grey sky, and passed away with a smile.

Jangjun is woken from his flashback by a nudge on his left arm. Sungyoon is looking at him with a look filled with concern. He then leads him to a garden where a group of kids are standing and chattering jubilantly.

“You two are here. Now wait here when we try to make you heroes a wreath” A girl looks at him with eyes full of admiration and exclaims.

“Heroes?” Jangjun laughs disbelievingly.

“Soldiers who bring peace are heroes.” Another boy chirps in and they divide into small groups to find the materials for the wreath.

“Why are you bringing me here anyway.” Jangjun turns to Sungyoon. He frowns but his mouth is curving into a smile.

“To take a breath. This place is beautiful, isn’t it?”

Now Jangjun notices. Despite not being too far from the battlefield, this place is quite untouched. The trees are tall with green leaves covering the ground completely. It should be a great place to make a base, Jangjun concludes.

They continue to sit in silence, yet they don’t feel suffocated.

“Jangjun, do you know what is this place called?” Sungyoon suddenly asks when Jangjun’s eyes are following a falling leaf. Jangjun thinks for a while, but comes up with nothing. It is not fair. Sungyoon got here first so he obviously knows more than him!

“A “Forest”, obviously”

Sungyoon laughs. Jangjun changes his answer.

“No hyung. But the atmosphere is nice. I feel the war hasn’t reached here. I love it.” He fills his lungs with an inhale of fresh air. It feels calm. And cozy. The coziness is here whenever he gets rid of battle-related possession and takes a walk around the peaceful village. When has this started? Oh- when Sungyoon started to show up in his tiresome life.

“Yes. I come here to calm down after battlefields.”  
Sungyoon pauses.

“This place is called the place of first kiss.”

Jangjun nearly chokes on his savila when he looks at the older’s suggestive stare. He instantly looks away and clears his throat to hide his awkwardness.

Sungyoon stares intently at the younger, and when he sees the younger avoiding his gaze, he smiles a little. Look who is being shy.

“Jangjun, I like you.”

Sungyoon says, seeking the younger’s eyes to convey his sincerity.

Jangjun’s hands tremble.

“Do you share my feelings?” Sungyoon asks, his strong hands reach out to direct Jangjun’s chin to meet his eyes.

Despite saying that, Sungyoon is sure about his reply. Jangjun looks at his sly smile and knows that this person has known all along what he has been feeling. Yet he does not divulge it. But more importantly, Sungyoon also likes him. He is extremely happy right now. Although it is a sin. Love shouldn’t be blooming here, in the middle of vicious war without feelings involved, between two soldiers who are supposed to devote their body and soul to the betterment of the progress.  
But they loved. They harbored romantic feelings. It is selfish of them, but they couldn’t back down now. It is their fate. And although Jangjun curses fate a lot, he silently thanks it for driving him here.

Jangjun smiles again. Whatever fate leads them to, he is not afraid. Because his home is here, and he will do everything to protect the cozy shelter he holds dear to. He barely lets out a _Yes I do_ when Sungyoon suddenly grabs Jangjun’s neck, pulling their face close. They stare into the dark obs that reflect themselves with pure adoration and smile. Their breath dances together. Afterwards, Sungyoon puts more force on his hand to bring the younger even closer amd seals his lips with a chaste kiss.

 

 

  


“I hope the war ends soon. It has been causing too much damages for both sides.” Jangjun says when he plays with the wreath in his hand. He is still shy after what has happened. The kids could have seen them unless he had pulled the older away in time! How would they think if they saw such indecent scene! Jangjun fights the urge to bury his face into his hands but a sneaky hand has already wrapped around his own and held it firmly. Warmth starts to spread from the hand to his heart and even his cheeks.

“Why do people kill people, I just did not get it, I don’t get it, and never will i seem to.” Jangjun clears his throat to alert the Sungyoon who is too caught up in whatever thoughts running in his head.

“Greed eats them out. They want to have the world in their hand.”

“This world is so beautiful and enormous. Why don’t we just share it together? It must be easier.” Jangjun looks at the bright starry sky.

“I don’t know, Jangjun ah. People are selfish just like that.”

“Hyung, when this war ends, what will you do?” Jangjun wonders out loud after minutes of silence.

“I want to be a singer.”

“That is random.”

“Along with fighting for peace, singing is an effective way to bring happiness to humanity”

“You should think of yourself more. You care too much about people’s wellbeing. Are you a saint or what? People don’t deserve your kindness. You should ask more from the world.”

Jangjun mutters under his breath. This person is so nice and someone may take advantage of it.

Sungyoon looks at Jangjun pensively.

“It’s alright. I am now possessing a source of happiness I want to protect. As long as I am beside it I’m contented. I don’t ask for anything but it.I also want to thank the world for letting me meet it.”

Jangjun thinks even the brightest star overhead cannot rival the beautiful orbs that are directing at him. His heart steadily speeds up.

“Me, too.”

 

 

  


The day after, Sungyoon and Jangjun wake up to the news that Sungyoon’s squad is sent off to the eastern part of the country which is quite far from this base. Jangjun’s team will be here to protect the army’s weapon storage. They have to be on the march as soon as noon because the situation on the eastern part is getting intense. They are told the war is ending soon, and with the dominance on the eastern part, they will take a big step towards the end of this meaningless war. Jangjun and Sungyoon part with a strong determination to fight their soul for the peace of people and come back early for their newly found “home”.

Jangjun finishes his missions well. During his rest he even learns to make a wreath with the help of the kids. He plans on giving Sungyoon the prettiest wreath when his brave soldier comes back from his mission. This is a little girly, but Sungyoon looked happy when he received it from the kids so Jangjun would not hesitate to sacrifice his image for the older’s smiles.

When he is wandering around the forest in search of colorful flowers thinking about the best options of fauna, however, he spots two people dressed in military uniforms of the opposing team. His heart beats loudly when suspicion clouds his head. Grabbing the unfinished wreath hard, he sprints towards their base. Scatters of white happy daisy are strewn carelessly on the soil next to his footprints, tainted and withered.

 

 

  


A spy gave away the location of the arms cache to the opposing team and the nothern village was ambushed. Sungyoon curses when the commander informs it in their way back to the northern villages. Luckily, the villagers are evacuated after being rescued. But the soldiers are there. Jangjun- his Jangjun is there. Sungyoon heart beats faster while his brain is eaten with worry. He can do nothing but to run faster to where his home isin hope that someone is still safe and sound. He despises the helplessness he is feeling at this moment.

Sungyoon feels his knees give out the moment he sees the devastating scenario of his familiar base. Before he can grab anyone to ask after Jangjun, the colonel assigns him to the north wing to launch an attack on the still lurking enemies. They have just attacked the villages and now are taking a rest. His team have to be in action now or else they will in turn be the target. Sungyoon bites his inner cheeks when he passes an old comrade’s corpse and heads for the north wing, feeling his heart sunk deeper with apprehension.

It is a mess when one of the enemy is shot first. In the turmoil, a stray bullet hit his shoulder. He winces at the sharp pain. One of the commanders orders the medic to treat him, but Sungyoon only uses a gauge to dress up the wound. There is no time for resting. He should end this fast and checks out if the remaining team are safe or not. Sungyoon hides behind one of the tank to charge his gun. He should shoot that guy hiding behind the wall to his right. With a nod to his comrade, he fires. The bullet hits the ground, startling the enemy. His ally then penetrates through the traitor’s ribcage a bullet. This should be the last person they need to do away with. Sungyoon then turns his head quickly when he spots a move at the corner of his eyes. Maybe there remains a rat. A shot is fired and two bodies collapses, but they are not him and the rat he is about to target. It is- _Jangjun?_ In the shouts of his comrades and the redness of the ground, he can only hear the weak breath in contrast to the bright galaxy in the soldier’s eyes when their eyes meet. Sungyoon runs towards the fallen figure he calls home, his mind devoid of any thoughts but this person.

  


“Hyung. You’re back.” Jangjun tries to sit up but fails, which makes the blood ooze out of the wound on his stomach more.

“J-Jangjun, are you alright? “  
Sungyoon touches the reddish stain on the younger’s abdoments with trembling fingers. He can’t help his shivers. It’s reddish. It’s blood.

“I’m alright. You are hurt too aren’t you?”

Jangjun winces when he reaches out for his brave soldier’s cheeks.

Sungyoon hears someone shouting for the medic. He thanks that person in his brain. He himself is not confident he can shout for help anymore. Then he looks at the blood starting to flood onto the ground.

“Who promised not to be injured. You liar.” Worry is written on Jangjun’s eyes when he looks mournfully at the red stain on the superior’s shoulder.

“You are injured too. You promised to live. You are not allowed to leave me first. It is a command.” Sungyoon knows he is being irrational, but he cannot think straight when it comes to this person being injured. He may lose him at any moment.

“I won’t die, hyung. So you have to take care of your wound, silly.” Jangjun feels his sense weaken. He can’t even see Sungyoon clearly. He closes his eyes and opens them again to focus on the older properly this time. Despite being in the middle of a harsh battle, his brave soldier is still so stunning, and the warmth when he looks at the older tugs at his heart again. This is his home. This is the person he loves. Jangjun realizes. But why is he frowning and looking as if he is about to cry? _I want to see you smile, hyung._

Jangjun suddenly remembers the thing he has yet to finish. He takes out half of the wreath he has made. The daisies are tattered and spoilt, but overall it is still recognizable as a wreath. He placed it on Sungyoon’s head to his surprise.

“I made this thinking of you.”

Sungyoon touches the wreath. He can feel it is an imperfect product, but imagining the younger plucking the flowers and actually ready to spend time braiding them despite saying it’s girly brings a smile to his face. Jangjun is so random sometimes.

When he sees the bright smile starting to bloom on the soldier’s lips, Jangjun joins too, but it is cut short when he coughs, his body convulsing hard. Someone shouts for medic again, but he barely recognizes whose voice is that. His sense is dull now. He is both afraid and calm. Afraid that he may not meet the older after this, and calm that he has protected Sungyoon and made him smile. He wants to thank Sungyoon, and tells him that, he now understands the willingness to die for the one he loves. It is true that in that split moment, nothing matters more than the safety of that person you want to defend. Sungyoon has been right all along. He wants to convey anything, but his tongue is heavy. His eyes are also uncooperative. Sungyoon is saying something but he cannot hear anything. Jangjun can only manage to mutter a _Thank you hyung_ before succumbing into fatigue. He felt he is being lifted, but his hands and legs do not follow his will anymore. It is alright to end this here, Jangjun clings to his last thought. It has been a life worth living, no matter what.

 

 

  


 

 

  


 

 

  


 

 

  


Sungyoon crouches down to place a big bunch of white chrysanthemum on the vase placed beside the gravestone in front of him. He stares at it, lost in contemplation. The war has ended with a peace treaty for one year, yet the pain still persists. Who is going to make up for all the sorrows and permanent losses both sides’ innocent people have to suffer? What is all of this for?

Sungyoon is shaken out of his trance when he feels a movement next to him. Reacting to sudden movement has been an instinct to him. When he immediately snaps his head to the left, a kid is placing a wreath on the gravestone as if it was someone’s head.

“Hello, little girl. Why are you here?” Sungyoon recognizes the face. It is the girl who said heroes were soldiers who brought peace to him and Jangjun that day. That day when they kissed the first time.

“Hello. I am giving all these heroes a victory wreath. Are you one of the heroes too? I can give you one.” The girl proudly presents him a well made wreath and grins adorably.

Sungyoon suddenly remembers the half done wreath Jangjun made. His heart involuntarily aches.

“Yes, please. My pleasure.” Sungyoon suppresses the aches in his heart and rubs the girl’s head fondly.

The little girl grins and puts a daisy wreath on his head. She steps backwards and admires her creation.

“You look good. I give you the same wreath as the ahjussi over there. This is my special handicraft, so don’t lose it.” The girl smiles, and moves to place more wreaths on other tombs in the graveyard.

“Her wreath looks better on you than mine.” A voice tears his eyes from the kid.  
Sungyoon turns his head slowly and smiles at the person who has the same wreath as him on his head. He stands up and slowly holds the person’s hand reassuringly.

“But yours is still the best. I acknowledge.”

The person squints his eyes in suspicion at the sweet line of him.

Sungyoon flashes a loving smile and intertwines their fingers. The person soon replies the initiative and locks their hands in a warm grip. They look at each other. Although the pain of war is evident in the depth of their eyes, they know they will overcome it. Wars have passed, and although many possessions have been ruined, they know their home is safe. And as long as their heart has a place to return, nothing is out of the question, is it?

 

 

  



End file.
